You're the Culprit!
by Wafia Primo
Summary: Flora Mar, the main maid of Treland mansion works with Mukuro the butler and Hibari the guard. When the master of the house is murdered, Inspector Dino Cavallone is sent to investigate. DinoOc, MukuroOC or HibariOc. Choose.
1. Chapter 1

**I have severe writer's block for DWOOMD! so it'll be a while before its up again.**

**Anyway, I have a new idea for a story, so I'll be starting that.**

**I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!**

* * *

Flora Mar was glad that her salary was raised.

Working as a maid, even for Master Treland didn't bring much money.

Recently, his toy company had earned a huge amount of money, and he wanted to celebrate in his private study.

"Flora, please bring me a bottle of wine please. You may take the rest of the day off."

It was the last thing she heard from her master.

* * *

"Romario, take everyone's statement please." Inspector Dino Cavallone, head of the investigative team wasn't in the mood for a case.

He didn't get his morning coffee, and his pet turtle chewed a few important documents to pieces.

"Inspector, the maid insists she didn't know the bottle of wine was poisoned."

Romario dragged over a girl with long brown hair and green eyes, roughly 20 years old.

"Just because I handed him the bottle doesn't mean I killed him!"

"Well, you were the last person to see Treland!"

"Well, I wasn't the first to handle the wine!"

"You could've put the poison in when you got the wine!"

"Do you have any proof that I killed him?"

"It's always the maid's fault!"

"Isn't it 'the butler did it'?"

"Well, you're empty headed!"

"Empty headed? You're empty headed for arguing!"

"You refuse to confess to the crime!"

"I never committed it in the first place!"

"BOTH OF YOU, JUST SHUT UP FOR A FEW MINUTES!" Dino yelled.

"He/She started it!" Cue the face palm.

* * *

All the employees were noticebly pissed.

Hibari Kyouya the guard was making his rounds in record time.

Gokudera Hayato the chef started smoking in the kitchen and turning coffee into rat poison.

Yamamoto the gardener trimmed the bushes to nothing.

The other two maids, Haru and Kyoko were crying their eyes out with Hibari getting even more irritated.

Mukuro the butler was juggling a bunch of plates and knives, while balancing a bowl of fruit on his nose.

Tsuna the secretary was trying to comfort Haru and Kyoko.

Flora was just glaring at Dino. "You really are insensitive, aren't you."

Dino sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "I just didn't have my morning coffee. By the way, do you happen to have some?"

Flora's Options:

1) Be nice to the insensitive man and give him some coffee.

2) Be slightly kind to the insensitive man and toss the coffee pot at his head.

3) Be sympathetic to the insensitive man and tell him to shut up.

4) To hell with it, break the insensitive man's skull with the coffee pot.

5) Eat him.

Since option five was a no go, she went with option two.

Dino managed to catch the coffee pot before it hit his face, and he poured himself a cup.

"Thanks Flory. Can I call you Flory?" He finished the cup within a minute and ran off to take crime scene photos.

Flora hated that nickname, and Hibari walked past and said "Give him hell, Flora Mar."

* * *

As the sun set, it became apparent that the investigative team would be staying longer than expected.

After Gokudera prepared a non-carcinogenic dinner, the team decided to kip in the living room.

Bono raised his hand and declared "Boss, I need a glass of water."

"Didn't you drink something ten minutes ago?"

"Yes, but I can't sleep without one near by."

"Sorry to bother you, Flor! Can you get him a glass of water?"

"Fine..." She ran to the kitchen and got him a glass of water.

When she got back, she slapped Dino on the back of his head.

"Ow! Why the heck did you do that?"

"It's because you're annoying."

"What did I do?"

"Oh... I don't know. Make Kyoko and Haru cry, annoy the hell out of me, etc."

"I just needed to take their statement!"

"While saying that they were suspects? They won't even hurt a fly!"

"Well... There's always a possibility for everything!"

"You're also a complete idiot."

"I'm not an idiot!"

"You're an idiot for denying that you're an idiot."

Mukuro chose this moment to say "She just hates you for calling her Flory."

Dino grinned. "Is that all, FLORY? Well, the investigative team will have to stay here for a few weeks."

Flora glared and declared war.

"Those next few weeks will be hell for you, Inspector."

"I'll be looking forward to it, Morning Flory."

Mukuro oohed "He's gonna get it now~"

Both of them slapped Mukuro's head.

"SHUT UP, YOU RETARDED PINEAPPLE!"

Mukuro went to a corner and started growing mushrooms and drawing circles with his index finger.

"*mumble mumble* my hair *mumble mumble* not a fruit *mumble mumble* mutant bacon."

* * *

**Well, this is crappy, but I hope you liked it.**

**I'll be needing a bunch of nicknames for Flora Mar.**

**Please review? (^o^)/**

**Also, feel free to start guessing who the culprit is.**

**If any manages to guess correctly, you'll get a cookie.**

**Or a waffle.**

**Your choice.**

**Note: The real details won't start until the next chapter.**


	2. Requiem of a Fruit

**I bet no one will guess the culprit correctly.**

**Everyone gets a cookie if they guess.**

**But no one gets a bunch of cookies if they don't get it right :'(**

**I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!**

**

* * *

**

Romario ran over to Inspector Dino (sounds funny, doesn't it?). "Boss/Sir/Whatever I shall call you! I've put together everyones statement?"

Dino nodded his head absent-mindedly. "Just hand me the first one and I'll start reading it."

Romario gave him the one that was strangely... Fruit scented. We all know who's statement it is.

* * *

**(Mukuro the Butler's Statement/POV: The Requiem of a Fruit)**

As the butler of the mansion, I wake up every morning at 5:30 am, and dress for the day's work. Master Treland is woken up at 6:00 am.

His schedule seems to be random, and I have never detected a pattern, so I could only guess what job he'd give to me next.

Before Master Treland died, I was ordered to design the seating plan for the upcoming celebration of his success. This task is seemingly simple, but don't be mistaken.

There will be one long table situated against the wall, which will be covered in food. There will be fifty guests and fifty one chairs, the extra for the master.

There can't be three males or females sitting directly next to each other, and master sits at the far left.

There are many issues, considering the fact that some of the guests refuse to sit next to certain people.

For hours, I tried to find the perfect seating plan... But with no luck! I couldn't take anymore of the torture, so I went to the kitchen in hopes of grabbing a calming cup of tea.

* * *

I entered the kitchen and saw the cook Gokudera cooking a large pan of bacon, lightly seasoned with rosemary.

The mouth watering scent of his cooking made me hungry, so I asked if I could have some.

"Oi, you just want a cup of tea right? Go get it and leave the bacon alone."

Then I made a mistake of insulting his cooking. "I bet that rosemary is actually cremated mice."

An anger mark appeared on Gokudera's head. "OI, WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

I made the biggest mistake of all by insulting his best friend, the secretary Tsunayoshi Sawada. "Such a pathetic looking boy can't be a boy at all. I'm sure he's really a transvestite."

Now, very few people know that the Treland Mansion cook is the famous demon cook. If he feels like it, he can make his food come alive and do his bidding.

So sure enough, the bacon in the pan stood up, and flew towards my head. My hair was never shaped like a pineapple, but then the bacon changed it all.

I screamed in pain, for the oil on the bacon was still hot. It climbed up my head and onto my hair, and preformed a little dance on it.

Since then, my hair has been growing in the shape of that cursed pineapple.

* * *

Right after the bacon incident, I continued with organizing the seating for the celebration. But I then noticed a slight issue with the guest list that I should've noticed before.

"Sir, there are only 49 guests on the list. Where is the other one?" At this point, Master Treland's mood seemed to take a turn for the worse.

"There was an issue with that particular person, so you can remove a chair from the set-up."

I was suspicious of him, but I decided not to question him. After all, he was paying me to work, not to question.

With the bit of information he just gave me, it made it easier to complete the task.

An hour later, I was done with all the work he requested me to do.

* * *

That day, there wasn't much work, so then I decided to irritate the one person who wouldn't conjure up some mutant monstrosity: Flora Mar.

She was cleaning the ball room. "Well, I see you have a new hair style, you freaky butler." Maybe that day wasn't my best day, but it doesn't matter. Luck is changeable.

"Kufufu~ Oya oya, Flora. Do you like it?" Keeping a poker face is important. Otherwise, how will I bother people?

"It's certaintly... unique. It fits a weirdo like you." She continued polishing the chairs and waxing the floor.

Now, for the greatest weapon of all... "Kufufu~ Flora, I'll be going back to work now. See you later~"

I gave her a kiss on the cheek and ran out of the room. I caught a glimpse of her red face on the way out, which made me chuckle.

I just LOVE messing around with people. But apparently, fate had other ideas for me.

"Hmph. So you messed around with the cook and got your hair screwed up? How pathetic, pineapply herbivore." My dear enemy, the forever friendly Hibari Kyouya was standing nearby.

"Awww... Did you see me kiss her on the cheek? Are you jealous?" This probably wasn't a good idea either.

Suddenly, a dark aura appeared around him. "Che, you really expect me to care about a maid? She's even more pathetic than you, herbivore."

Since I didn't have my pitchfo- I mean trident with me, all I could do was try to escape the attack.

* * *

I managed to hide in one of the many rooms of the mansion. Then a small fluffy yellow bird appeared, and settled down next to me.

"What a cute little bird..." I poked it and it pecked my hand, and it hurt a lot (It's beak looks blunt, but its incredibly sharp). "Why you little chicken, I'm gonna eat you for dinner."

Then it cried out "Hibari, Hibari!" and frantically flew around the room. Lo and behold, Hibari appeared.

"Hn. So this is where you were hiding. I'll bite you to death."

* * *

"Romario, is this really his statement?" Romario nodded. "A hospital confirmed that he was injured and didn't return until the crime was committed. Flora, Gokudera, and Hibari confirmed his statement."

Dino scratched his head. "I'd say he has really really poor judgement. Romario shrugged. "Judging by his actions, I'd say he's suicidal."

* * *

**~Inspector Dino's Corner~**

Dino: Hi everyone!

Flora: Shut up, no one wants to listen to you.

Dino: Still mad at me for calling you Morning Flory?

Hibari:We're all mad at you for dragging us to this stupid corner.

Dino: But I made this so we could answer the readers questions!

Hibari: That is if we have any.

Mukuro: Of course we do, why do you think I juggled stuff?

Flora: You did? I didn't notice.

Mukuro: *goes to emo corner*

Kyoko: Flora, be careful! His ego is extremely fragile.

Mukuro: *starts growing mushrooms in corner*

Dino: I think we should leave him alone.

Mukuro: *cold winds blow in from nowhere*

Romario: Sir, lets just end this before spirits of despair appear.

Flora: Too late.

* * *

**So, if you have a question or two to ask the characters, please do.**

**Btw, as a clue (save it for later): Only the culprit confirms all of the alibis.**

**It will not be who you think it will be, my friends.**

**MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!**

**Please review.**


	3. Curse You All!

**Lol, everyone who reviewed got waffles.**

**Everyone who guessed got a cookie.**

**Anyone who voted on a pairing got mochi.**

**Looks like its gonna be Hibari/Flora. You still have a chance to change it~**

**I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.**

**Dino's character song FTW.**

**If anyone get the SOLUTION (multiple possibilities) correct, I'll write ANY fanfiction one-shot thingy they want.**

**Rating and pairing, your choice :D**

* * *

Since Dino finished reading the 'requiem' of Mukuro, he decided to look at another statement to see if it was from a person who wasn't trying to die. The next one was covered in blood splatters.

* * *

**(Hibari the Guard's Statement/POV: That Annoying Maid)**

The only reason I work at Treland's mansion is because it isn't very crowded. Very few people live there, so I could deal with them.

Every week or two, a thief would try to break into the mansion and try to steal an expensive vase, painting or piece of jewlery.

Every time this happened, I'd take out my tonfas, bite them to death, and throw them out the front door.

And that maid Flora always cleans up the mess and scolds me like a child. "Kyouya, how many times have I told you not to make a mess?"

"Since when did I say you could call me by my first name?" She put her hands on her hips and gave me that same 'so what?' look.

Any smart human working with me should know they should treat me with the proper respect. I shall discipline her one day.

* * *

The mansion has five floors, and each floor excluding the first floor has eighteen rooms of the same size, in a three by six format.

The first floor consists of the kitchen, Treland's office, the ballroom, dining hall, and the employee living room.

The second floor has the employee living quarters, and a gigantic bathroom.

The third floor stores every single childish idea Treland has. It is filled with toys, paper, paper... and paper.

The fourth floor is Treland's actual home. There's his private study, three bedrooms, three bathrooms, three offices, a smoking room, a giant closet, wine room, library, game room, gun collection, and something else I can't remember at the moment.

The fifth floor houses his private collection of exotic animals. I consider this the best part of the mansion because people rarely come up here due to a few dangerous animals, so I can sit here in solitude.

"Kyouya, how long are you gonna sit there?" Never mind, I can never sit in solitude while she's working. No wonder I'm a bit of a night owl.

"Until you drop dead and leave me alone." She gave this adorable pout that made me want to hug her face to death.

"Fine, I'll leave you alone. Ass." Nevermind, I want to smash her face in now.

* * *

As I continued on, I saw Treland in the hallway. "Kyouya, I want you to make an extra rounds on the first floor."

I want to smash his face in too. I want to smash everyone's face in. This probably doesn't make the case any better for me.

Anyway, that was the last time I saw him. I don't care what happened to him, since he didn't give me my damn raise.

Do you even know how hard it is to take care of a duck/sparrow/chicken hybrid?

It takes a lot of time and patience, and clean language since it picks up whatever I tend to say.

I think its part parrot now. I should bring it to Apple Green PaRc Labs to see what they have to say.

By the way, I think you people are horrible at your job. Did you get dropped on the head when you were born?

* * *

_Inspector Dino decided to skip part of it due to self-esteem killing content._ "I feel so emo... Ivan, can I get a knife?" He shook his head. "No, but you can get a slap to the face." Dino sighed. "I guess that'll do..."

SLAP! "Owwie! TT^TT" SLAP! "Hey!" SLAP "Ok, I'm good." SLAP! "GEEZ, I SAID I'M FINE NOW!"

"Sorry boss, it was too much fun."

* * *

**(Statement Continued)**

Does it matter if I tell you what happened after that? I didn't see Treland after that. Do you people even understand what I'm saying?

All I saw after that was the cook, the perv-butler, and the annoying maid.

"Oi, Kyouya! You left the crooks blood all over the kitchen again! Couldn't you have cleaned it up?"

"Che, its not my job, squid head." An anger mark appeared on his head. "DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

I spent the next half hour or so fending off glowing pasta missles.

"Neh, Kyo-chan! How do you fend off his food?" I saw his hair had been altered to a pineapple.

"I whack it. Use your fruity brain." His eye twitched. "Kufufu... Well I see you later, Kyokyo."

He left the room, and saw the maid. Mukuro exchanged a few words with her, looked back at me for a moment, smirked, and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Which annoyed me greatly. How am I suppose to smash her face when it's been touched by the lips of the butler?

So I decided to chase after him and send him to the hospital.

Beating him up was quite satisfying, but it gave him a valid alibi which pissed me off.

He even used to be an assassin.

* * *

"BOSS! THE FRUIT MAN IS THE CULPRIT!" Dino sweat-dropped. "But he has a valid alibi..." Bono scratched his head. "Oh yeah..."

* * *

**Oooh... I ACTUALLY UPDATED! I had major writers block, and yeah...**

**I probably can update more now, since I have the sacred VOLUME FOUR of KHR. **

**Dino's first appearance 3**

**Seriously, with this sacred volume I shall write.**


	4. PoPoPoPockey Face

**I've been having a lot of delays in uploading chapters but I'll get to it soon when high school returns to a normal pace.**

**:D I hope all of you will stick with this story~**

* * *

**(Tsuna the Secretary's Statement/POV: Very Fishy Reception)**

Eh? I have to make a statement?

But I don't know if I'll be of any help!

What if I manage to mess up a detail that'll solve the case?

Hiiiiiie!

* * *

Well, I guess I should start with my basic job description.

As the secretary, I organize all his files and shi- toy making notes, and I pass along messages to other staff members when he's busy.

I also happen to intercept any guests that request to meet him.

Sometimes, I happen to organize all the gifts he recieves from other company bosses.

You know, just the other day Xanxus from the Varia Security Corps had the NERVE to send 20 shipments of TUNA FISH.

For the next week or so, it was Tuna Salad, Tuna Broth, Tuna Tuna, Tuna Steak, TOO MUCH DAMN TUNA!

I think I'm turning into one...

* * *

The morning before he was killed, Another stranger was launched out of the third story window.

I noted that he landed in the prized roses that took the gardener forever to raise.

Then, I noted that the stranger was launched once more, this time over the mansion.

Returning to my desk, I looked through all of the documents that were sent to Mr. Treland today.

I began sorting them into the dump pile and the keep pile.

The dump pile included: An idea for a doll that could shoot mayonnaise out of its finger tips, a request for a robot that could eat children, and a wine peeing dog toy.

The keep pile included: A letter from his mother, a letter from his distant cousin, and a thank you letter from Xanxus for the wine candies.

I'm still wondering about the mayo shooting doll...

* * *

Later on in the day, I saw Mukuro running around the mansion like crazy!

It was as if all of hell was after his winged pineapple boxers, and don't ask about how I know what they look like.

It was just that ONE time we both got drunk and we did something we both regretted.

We both woke up sore, covered with sweat, and half naked together.

It...

Was...

Terrible...

Beyond...

Belief...

We had a contest to see who could withstand being in a 35 degrees celsius room surrounded by lit stoves, while being slapped with a Shonen Jump issue.

Those things can slap hard, yah know! I don't know what you guys may be thinking about the whole idea, but it was a bet that earned me quite a few snacks.

* * *

If anyone wonders why I wasn't seen around the mansion for the rest of the day, well...

I'm not supposed to tell you this, since its a secret that all the employees know, minus the late Master Treland.

On one of the floors, of which I'm not going to specify, there is a barely noticeable inconsistency in one of the walls.

But once you do notice, go to the drawer on the left, and pull the drawers out in this order:

Up down up down middle middle down middle up.

The mirror should turn, revealing a button.

If you push the button, the inconsistency in the wall slides away and reveals...

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA A BAT CAVE!

Not really, but it is our private pharmacy.

We have all sorts of remedies, ranging from minor things from Advil to major things like Oxycontin or Vicodin.

It doesn't just act as our drug store though, we also store some things we aren't supposed to have.

Mukuro, for instance, keeps a huge box of... Plants that are certaintly less than legal.

Well, I keep something thats definitely legal, but I'd rather not reveal it.

* * *

_"Look, you have to give us ALL the details!"_

_"But but but but but but its..."_

_"Look, I don't care how many buts you have, you have to tell us"_

_"I'll have as many buts as I want! I still won't tell you."_

_"Look, you either tell us or we lock you up in a cell."_

_"FIIIIINE!"_

* * *

Well, to tell you the truth...

I...

Am addicted to pocky.

Thats normal, but my addiction goes beyong any addiction in existence.

While others use their sick days to recover from being sick, I use it to purchase and consume inummerable amounts of pocky.

The people at a pocky factory know (fear) me so well, I get as much free pocky as I want!

I even get the ones in the beta stages.

Curry tasted rather off, but I still enjoyed it. And let me tell you, Fried Wasabi pocky packs quite a delicious punch!

Pocky is pocky, and ANYONE who touches my stash will be hunted and destroyed.

Don't assume I won't know, I WILL know, and don't expect to sleep at night until I locate you.

But as to who the culprit might be, I have no idea.

* * *

_"Come on, we need to know what you know!"_

_"But I don't know anything beyond what I mentioned!"_

_"Well don't you want whats in my hands right now?"_

_"Is that... -gasp- Dear god!"_

_"Its pocky, don't you want it?"_

_"Pocky..."_

_"Hello? Mr. Sawada?"_

_"I want... Pocky."_

_"Yo, Sawada, you okay?"_

_"PO PO PO POCKEEEEEEEEY!"_

_"HEY, HE'S GOING CRAZY!"_

_"SOMEONE STOP HIM!"_

-Recording Ends-

Investigation Results: Inconclusive

Further Notes: Bribery is a bad idea.

* * *

(_Apparently, the secretary still has something to say. Should we let him, boss?_

_Why not... Owww... My head..._

_This guy is a monster._

_Lets not even start on that, Romario.)_

Sho harumph snarff crunch glurp (So I forgot to tell you guys)

Crunch Crunch Chomp (That I don't recall)

Pocky Cream snarflargle (Treland ever drinking wine)

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP! (He had a no drinking rule, as an experience with certain miscreants caused him to have an extreme distaste for any form of alcoholic drink, and only kept alcohol for the guests and Xanxus. He'd much rather reconoiter with a crack-high walrus than drink.)

* * *

**Hey, I'm actually still alive! High school is a lame excuse, but I'm glad I updated. Even though this failed quite so.**

**As always, review and guess.**

**I wish a thousand dysenteries upon ALL of your enemies.**

**Ciao~**

**AND I AM WELL AWARE IT HAS BEEN FOREVER! **

**I will get to everything one day.**


	5. Milky Garden Baseball Dreams

**(Yamamoto the Gardner's Statement/POV: Milk and Home Runs)**

I like to garden! And drink milk! And hit home runs!

But, since I couldn't get a job doing the last two, I garden for a living.

Treland… Well, Treland was a great guy. I mean, anyone who owns a baseball stadium and milk farm has to be great, right?

And his garden! I can trim the hedges however I want!

And if I have time, I try to study in his library, but then I always end up hitting a book out a window.

As for where I was?

Well.

Don't tell anyone, but I was busy practicing my batting skills at Treland's super neat baseball stadium.

State of the art ball-throwing machines!

They go "Zwoo zwoo zwoo PHWONG! Pew pew pew! Pah pah pah! BAM!"

And then you hit the ball!

They can be flung at you at really high speeds and everything.

It's connected to this super-duper awesome massive tank filled with thousands of thousands of baseballs!

So I stayed there for a while. You can check the security records and chat up the security guards.

I've been gone for a few days. Just batting, ha ha! Time flies when you're having fun!

Don't let Gokudera know I've been shirking my duties.

I'll never catch up on all the gardening work while he's trying to distract me.

Something about proving to Tsuna his capabilities and competence. Ability to protect people and stuff. Eh he, I don't actually listen to him when I should...

I'm not sure, to be honest. Buuuuut, I think I need more milk. Bye now~

* * *

**I have no idea how long it's been since I uploaded anything, but this is just a really short chapter with almost no relevance to the plot. Once I'm able to get the rusted gears turning and the brain waves going, I'll be trying to finish up some stories and hopefully branch out to different series. It's been a long time, but my writing has improved quite a bit. But this chapter is no indication of that. ^^"**


End file.
